How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
by JJynx
Summary: Jasper and Alice rely on one another more than they realize. A series of one-shots describing just how much they depend the relationship that they share. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is my first Twilight story, so I hope you enjoy it. I, of course, own nothing -- the characters who inspired this story (along with countless more) belong to the brilliant Stephanie Meyer. Feel free to leave a review -- I admit that I like praise, but am more than happy to see some constructive criticism that can be used to better my writing. Any flames will be used to roast marshmallows!

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The bell blares and I let out a small sigh of relief at having survived another History class. Not that History was difficult – hell, I'd been there to experience first hand this particular era of history we were studying – but it didn't stop me from wanting to scream at the teacher that he didn't know what the fuck he was talking about as he droned on about various military battle techniques. I'd lived through several skirmishes when I was human, after all, and even more battles (not that you'd find my more recent fights in your typical History textbook) since being born to this new life. At this point the more rational side of my mind stepped in and, though I hate to admit it, reminds me that screaming at Mr. Johnson probably wasn't such a good idea, since it would require me to use some of the air that I had been holding in ever since entering the classroom. Eying the heavy textbook, I grin and shake my head in amusement as I imagine throwing it at Mr. Johnson's balding head instead. It was then that I remembered that the bell had rung to announce the beginning of lunch, and here I was wasting time that could be spent with Alice.

Alice… I don't mean to sound like one of the love-struck teenagers that I find myself surrounded by, but her name brings an even wider grin to my face as I think of her. The graceful way she walks, the way her mouth looks when she is upset, the brightness of her radiant smile, the… well, you get the point. If it weren't for Alice, I would still be living like a self-loathing animal, feeding off of people and hating every moment of my existence. She was my savior, making me believe that I could be a better person because she had faith in me. I hate having to pretend to be a year above her, so I can't enjoy her company all day long, but I know that she looks younger than me and we don't want to draw any more attention to ourselves. Maybe next time we went through this charade we could say that she'd skipped a grade or two… But I digress.

I hurriedly collect my books together, but have to stop myself from running full speed ahead out of the classroom lest I draw unwanted attention to myself. Just as I'm about to head out the door, though, Mr. Johnson calls me back. _What the hell does he want?_ I take a quick gasp of the fresh air that comes through the door as my lucky classmates escape before turning to face the teacher. "Yes, Mr. Johnson?"

"I read through your Civil War essay on the Federal naval blockade at Galveston last night. Your description of General John B. Magruder almost made it sound like you knew him."

I can't resist a little smirk at Mr. Johnson's words and I'm very tempted to say that I _had_ known him, but instead I just reply, "Thank you, sir. I guess the more I read about the battle, the more I felt like I knew him." It seems like as good a response as any. I shift my weight uneasily, glancing briefly though longingly towards the door. I don't have that much more air left in me to speak before I'd need to take another breath, and I'm not sure I feel comfortable with the burning thirst that would wield its ugly head if I couldn't leave here soon. "Was there anything else?"

"Hmm… It's just nice to see you young ones taking an interest in history." I have trouble keeping a straight face as I listen to Mr. Johnson's statement. _Me? Young? I'm old enough to be his great-great-grandfather!_ Not that I'm going to tell him that… I simply shrug and Mr. Johnson smiles as he turns his attention towards what looks like more student essays. Taking my cue, I swiftly turn and head outside, taking in big gulps of damp air as I walk towards the cafeteria.

"Jasper!" Alice trills from behind me as she slips behind me in the lunch line and reaches for my free hand. In my haste to see her, I had forgotten to drop my books off at my locker. Now, looking into her pixie-like face, I forget all about the aggravating morning routine of classes and intertwine my fingers with hers, letting her lead me through the line. She hands me a couple of soda cans to balance on my books as she grabs some pizza slices. After we pay for the food, I let her lead me to the table where the rest of the 'Cullen clan' are sitting. I barely notice them as I take my seat; I'm still engrossed in watching Alice. After all, she's what makes this mundane high school existence even remotely palatable, and I'm determined to make the most of this short intermission with my little angel before having to endure a couple more hours alone.

That doesn't stop me from noticing the waves of annoyance that Rosalie seems to be emitting. Not that that was anything new, I remind myself. I don't think I've ever met anyone who can do 'annoyed' quite as well as Rosalie. Ignoring Rosalie's annoyance, I turn my attention to the other people sitting at the table. Emmett seem to be his usual jovial self. Although I'm only half listening, I surmise enough from his words to ascertain that he's relaying to Rosalie how, when they had been playing softball in gym class just before lunch, he had 'accidentally' broken a bat swinging the ball, but had managed to hit a home run even as he jogged slowly (well, slow for us) around the bases. I guess that Rosalie is frustrated that Emmett's strength might draw unnecessary attention to us. As if wanting to affirm my suspicions about Rosalie and Emmett, Edward speaks up, though his voice would have been too quiet and fast for your average human to have been able to hear. "Don't worry, Rosalie, no-one suspects a thing. Everyone can tell that Emmett's strong as an ox, though I guess we could always try and circulate a rumor that the bat had a crack in it. And no, Alice, I don't think Mr. Johnson is in any danger from Jasper's aim… Not yet, anyway," Edward adds with a smirk.

I turn my attention back to Alice, confused. In answer to my unasked question, Alice sighs sheepishly. "I saw you knocking Mr. Johnson out cold with your book." I couldn't hold back the laugh as Alice revealed her vision, but immediately wished I hadn't as I ran out of air. I hurriedly breathe in, (since although we don't need to breathe, it feels almost as uncomfortable being without any air for us as it does for humans) and in that breath I can smell and taste the delicious perfume of hundreds of people. While their scents would be difficult to describe to a non-vampire, I guess that it could be described as if you were to imagine the tastiest morsels of chocolate, the most fragrant flowers, all rolled up into one overpowering aroma. Even though I feel ashamed for what this would do to my family, and worse, to Alice, I can't seem to control myself. I can feel the venom building in my mouth and I look around wildly, searching out the nearest victim.

In that same instant, Alice and Edward each grabbed one of my arms and were leading – no, forcing – me out of the cafeteria before I could make a scene, with Emmett and Rosalie following close behind. My muscles lock as my animalistic tendencies thrash to the surface, wanting to take my fill from the nearest person I could sink my teeth into. The venom burns in my mouth and I snarl and move as if to bite Edward. Luckily for Edward, Emmett wraps his strong arms around me from behind before I could inflict any damage and quickly pushes me through the cafeteria doors.

The moment the fresh air hit my face, the moment I am no longer inundated with the smell of all those people, I know the worst is over and I let my body sag. Emmett releases me from his powerful grip and little Alice takes his place, helping to steady me as the guilt threatens to overwhelm me. _How could I have been so stupid? I nearly gave everything away that we've worked so hard for. What would Carlisle say? Or Esme? Or… Alice?_ I hate being the weakest link in our chain, but somehow the instant gratification of fresh blood that I'd had during my years in the south, back when I was in Maria's favor, seemed to make it all the more difficult for me.

Not that I would want to relive any of those times. My peculiar gift seemed to make it all the more torturous for me to live like most others of our kind… like I had lived for so long before meeting Alice and learning that there was another way. "I'm sorry, Alice," I whisper and take in a shuddering breath. "I couldn't stop myself." The self-loathing grows exponentially as I admit my weakness, wishing silently that a pit would appear below me and swallow me whole.

"Shhh," she replied, still holding me upright. "We all know you didn't mean to do it, and it'll be okay." She pulled away briefly to look up at me, a cocky smile appearing on her face. "Believe me, I should know. After all, I'm the one with the visions." I pull her to me again in a warm embrace as we all laugh.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: This story is from Alice's POV, set during Breaking Dawn. I know it's short, but hopefully you'll enjoy it. Same rules apply as with the previous chapter – reviews are appreciated and all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

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Rubbing my temple with a soft moan, I wished for the umpteenth time that there could be pain killers for vampires. Or at least that I could sleep and maybe get some relief from this migraine that was going into its tenth day. _It feels like someone is trying to use a jackhammer to give me a lobotomy, _I thought with some annoyance_._ To make matters worse, I heard Jasper drop the book he was reading with a soft 'thump' and I cringed inwardly at the noise as my eyes darted in his direction. What I saw made me feel instantaneously guilty for letting him see my pain. Jasper was watching me from across the room, concern evident in his beautiful eyes, now black from his having refused to leave my side over these past couple of weeks to hunt. He was worried about the ongoing headaches that kept me hidden in the attic like a bat in the belfry while the rest of the family stayed with Bella. "Are you alright?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I simply nodded in response, but let out a hiss of pain at the movement. Okay, maybe I _wasn't_ feeling as well as I was trying to pretend. Jasper was at my side in less than a second, picking me up and carrying me over to the chair, sitting me on his lap. I curled up against him, enjoying the contact as I listen to his even breathing. He, in turn, wrapped his arms around me in a gentle hug and placed his chin gently on my head, and in that moment I felt like nothing could possibly harm me while I am secure in his arms. While I could still feel my head throbbing, somehow it didn't seem to bother me quite as much, not when I had Jasper there with me. One of his hands moved upwards to cradle my head, and his fingers idly stroked my short black hair. In response, I tilted my head back to look into his face and couldn't help but give a weak smile as I gazed into his bright eyes. "Thank you," I said simply, trying to convey in those simple words just how thankful I was to have him there with me, so that even if Jasper couldn't _sense_ my feelings, he could _hear_ it in my voice.

"You're always welcome, Alice darling'" he answered with a hint of his southern accent showing in the inflection of the word 'darling', "though I haven't done anything to deserve your thanks. Not recently, anyway."

I placed a kiss to the side of his jaw, just above his pulse point. "You're here, aren't you? You're helping me to deal with not being useful anymore."

"Now hold on, Alice. Just because you haven't had any visions lately doesn't mean that you're not useful anymore." I pursed my lips together in frustration and embarrassment as he said this, reminding me of what we both suspect are the root cause of my migraines – that they are the result of me working so hard to force myself to have another vision of the future, to see what it will hold for Bella and the rest of us. As he saw my reaction, and undoubtedly felt it radiating off me too, he let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I just… I hate seeing you in pain like this, my sweet Alice. And even more than that, I hate the feeling of powerlessness that I can't seem to do anything about it."

I couldn't help but smile in amusement as he made this last statement, because although he doesn't seem to realize or believe it, he is anything but powerless when it comes to making me feel better. I reached up to brush my hand against his cheek, trying to portray just how sincere I intend to be with what I am about to say. "Jasper, I realize that everyone is busy doing what they can for Bella, but you're the only one who's also trying to do what you can for me too. That, more than anything else, will help me to get through this and hopefully keep my sanity."

Jasper laughed and placed a gentle kiss to the tip of my nose. "That's a pretty tall order, darling. From what I recall, you stayed in an asylum for a while." I gave a laugh in return and slapped him playfully, glad that he no longer seemed to look as tortured, and as I laughed I realized that maybe I'm not as tormented either. I know that the love that Jasper and I share is eternal and, like the yin and yang sign where the two halves compliment each other perfectly, that we are one, stronger together than we are as individuals. I'm thankful that I was able to find him, thankful for every day – every moment of the day – that we are able to spend together. And the knowledge that he will love me even if lose my visions forever made me feel like the luckiest person in the world.

"I love you, Jasper," I announced, reaching up to plant a kiss on his lips.

He returned the kiss and squeezed me tightly to him. "I love you too, my little angel," he answered as he broke the kiss for a moment. "And I always will."


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: I am planning to let Jasper and Alice take turns with telling stories, so this chapter will be devoted to one of Jasper's tales. Thank you to both 'NaleyIsLove23' and 'life takes time' for your reviews – they are very much appreciated! As always, characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I'm simply borrowing them for entertainment purposes only and will return them when I'm finished, hopefully none the worse for wear.

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One of my happiest memories of Alice will always be that of our wedding, watching her glide down the aisle of the small country church dressed in an elaborate white wedding dress that she had designed. I'm sure that if I had still been human at the time, my heart would have skipped at least a few beats as I caught sight of her, albeit on the arm of some stranger we had met earlier that evening that had generously agreed to give her away, for the right price of course. Although she wore a veil, my keen eyesight allowed me to see her face in all its beauty despite the netting. Her black hair was curled under and her eyes were the color of rich butterscotch and sparkling with excitement. I can remember thinking to myself that I must have somehow died and gone to heaven as she smiled at me, practically bouncing in time to the wedding march as she walked forward. I smiled widely as her excitement was catching and almost moved half-way down the aisle to carry her up to where the priest was now standing beside me. Instead, I shifted my weight slightly towards her but managed to keep my feet planted to the spot until she was within easy reach, at which point I removed the veil from her face, took her hand in mine and turned to face the priest. I now recall the ceremony itself as passing by in the blink of an eye, though at the time I can remember thinking that the moment when we would be officially named as husband and wife could not come fast enough. After the ceremony, I offered her my hand, much like Alice offered me hers the first time we met at the diner in Philadelphia. Alice took my proffered hand and kicked her shoes into the air before we ran, laughing like children, into the fading light of the evening. I also remember how proud I felt when I heard the church bells ringing in the distance announcing to all the world that we were officially husband and wife.

I had arranged to spend the first evening of our married life in a small log cabin in the Adirondacks, where we could enjoy our first night as husband and wife before heading off on our honeymoon to Las Cruces, a city in southern New Mexico. I had tried to keep this plan a surprise, though I should have known better than to try and hide something from someone who can see the future. She led the way on the last leg of the journey, though I pulled her to a halt as I made a last minute decision just before she could reach the front door to the cabin that would be ours that evening. She looked up at me with confused eyes and I chuckled. "Now Alice, everyone knows it's customary for the husband to carry his new wife over the threshold of their first home together," I answered her with a wink. It seemed I had just found a chink in her armor: if I didn't think about what I was going to do before I did it, (and in this case I hadn't really thought about doing this because it's so predictable that it's practically cliché,) then she couldn't see what I had in store for her. _I'll have to remember that when trying to come up with a gift for her anniversary_.

I lifted her into my arms in a flourish, and she in turn wrapped her arms around my neck as I carried her inside. The inside of the cabin was cozy, though somewhat sparse, but since we would only be staying there the one night before heading off on our honeymoon, the surroundings hardly seemed important, especially if I had Alice to focus my attention on. I carried her over to a couch that stood against the far wall, right next to a stone fireplace, and gently lowered her down onto it. I know this might sound silly, but carrying little Alice in my arms like this made me feel like I was carrying a child, and as such, I wanted to protect her fragile form even if she wasn't any more breakable than I am. I then turned to the fireplace with a smile and started placing a few logs in the hearth, ready to light when we returned from hunting. I had specifically asked for a cabin with a fireplace, thinking that even though we wouldn't necessarily feel the cold in the night, it would still be romantic to be able to sit in front of the fire and watch how the light played on my fiancée's – _no, we're married now_, I reminded myself – my _wife_'s body.

Alice being Alice, she bounced excitedly on the couch for a moment as she watched me prepare the kindling. I turned towards her and she held out her hand towards me. "Aren't you at least going to come and kiss me one more time?" she asks.

"Yes, ma'am…" I laughed and sat down beside her, pulling her onto my lap and placing a gentle kiss to her lips. "You look beautiful, you know," I tell her.

Her eyes crinkle up at the corners as she grins. "So you keep telling me. You know, you don't look half bad yourself in that suit," she answers back. "I just hope you don't ruin it when we go hunting."

I laugh, shaking my head. "I'll do my best. Somehow, I think it'll be easier for me than it will be for you."

"Is that a bet?"

"I'm not generally a betting man, but I guess I could take a wager on that. What would you like to bet?" I ask.

"Hmm… How about if I win, you have to let me pick out the clothes you'll wear on our train ride down to Las Cruces."

Oh no. Knowing my luck, she would make me wear something formal made of really stiff and uncomfortable material, though that might be a good idea to distract me for the short periods of time I have to spend in close proximity to humans (like for instance, when we are waiting to board the train). I gave a nod. "And if I win, you have to let me ask one favor of you in the future with no questions asked."

Alice frowned, her lips pursing together as if wondering what possible favor I could ask of her in the future. Truthfully, I didn't know what that favor could be yet, but since I couldn't really think of anything that I wanted from her at this time, this seemed like the best alternative.

"Alright," Alice said seriously with a sigh. "I agree to your terms." The frown disappeared, her bright smile returning. "So, are you ready to see who wins?"

I laughed and ruffled her hair playfully. "I'm ready if you are."

"Then let's go!" She was up and heading out the door in a flash with me not far behind. We laughed together as we ran through the forest, leaping over logs and brushing against bushes and ferns, searching for whatever animal will become our prey. Eventually we found a small herd of deer that have settled for the night and took our fill.

As we returned to the cabin a couple of hours later and looked at one another in the light of the fire, we discovered that Alice had won the bet. I had evidently run under a bird at the wrong moment and had ended up with some dropping running down my back as a result. Alice was, of course, spotless. _I guess it serves me right for taking a bet against Alice_ I thought dryly as I let out a sigh of defeat. I was to wear a new outfit that would be purchased when the closest clothing store opened its doors the next morning.

We arrived at the train station in plenty of time, our train not being due to leave until noon. Alice had also bought a new dress to wear; this one was a simple lavender frock that accentuated her slight curves. She had dressed me, as I had predicted, in something fashionable and somewhat uncomfortable, though I had to admit that I actually liked the way this suit looked on me and wished I had elicited her help in assisting me to find the one I had worn to our wedding the afternoon before.

After boarding the train, we headed straight for our berth and pretty much stayed there for the duration of the trip. I was thankful that we had thought to wait until the day after our wedding to board the train south, since our wedding night hunt helped to stave the blood lust for the duration of the trip.

We thankfully arrived in Las Cruces just after nightfall, and were thus able to escape from the train without drawing much attention to ourselves. We still wore the same clothes we had departed in, and I didn't want any of our fellow passengers from the train beginning to spread rumors if they saw us in the street still wearing the same clothes. We headed towards a hotel on the edge of town, making arrangements to supplement our wardrobe with a couple of extra outfits to avoid arousing suspicion.

We were only about two blocks from the hotel when I first sensed that we were not alone, that there was another vampire nearby, one whom I recognized immediately from the past. I immediately tensed, old instincts setting in as I searched for the source of the scent that now seemed to waft in my direction, taunting me. My immediate concern was to protect Alice, since I knew I wouldn't be able to live without her.

I spotted the source of the scent across the street about half a block away. It was Maria, hunched over her latest victim, a small child of maybe 5 or 6. She tossed the body aside as the direction of the wind changed and turned to gaze at Alice and me with her blood-red eyes almost seeming to glow in the moonlight. Maria was the last person I had expected to see here. Evidently she was just as surprised to see me, since she let out a snarl of disgust and rage. "Jasper, I thought you had gone to live up north with Peter and Charlotte." She practically spat out their names, and I crouched even lower as things became more complicated. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw another vampire that I recognized, one that I had trained just before leaving Maria's coven, stepping around the corner.

"Stuart," I address the other vampire. "I didn't know Maria kept you."

"I no longer had you to train the newborns, Jasper. Out of all the newborns you left behind when you walked away from us, Stuart was the most talented fighter. Why would I not keep him?" Maria answered indignantly. "But I see you have found yourself some new company too…" she nods towards Alice, who is trying to peer surreptitiously at the others from behind my back.

"My _name_ is Alice," my sweet angel answered. Her voice quavered a little – she had heard me speak of how dangerous Maria could be if you didn't know how to fight – but she jutted her chin out stubbornly as if to deny her fear.

"Well, Alice," Stuart's eyes narrowed as he gives a crooked grin. "What say we have some fun together while Jasper and Maria catch up on old times?"

By this point I was seething with rage. How dare they try to talk to my Alice? How dare Stuart suggest separating the two of us? While I had little doubt that I could take Maria, I didn't like the odds of Alice having to go up against Stuart – Maria was right in what she had said, he had been a good fighter. "Just stay behind me and you'll be safe," I whisper to Alice, trying to block her from Stuart's view.

"No," she answers back stubbornly. I had never heard her say this word to me and it took me by surprise. Alice grasped my hand before moving to my side. "If there is going to be a fight tonight, then I'm going to stand and fight beside you." She gave my hand a squeeze. "I have faith that if it does come down to a fight, then we'll win."

I shook my head no. I couldn't let her risk her life, not now, not ever. "No, I won't let you do this," I said to her, trying to push her back behind me, but she stood firm.

At that moment, Stuart pounced at Alice and I moved to block, releasing Alice's hand so that I could use both my hands to push Stuart back. I had no desire to kill anyone tonight, but if he were to lay one finger on my Alice, so help me God…

Maria's brow furrowed at my protective actions – she had never seen me protect anyone but her before – and she moved to attack Alice before I have a chance to react. Alice spun just as quickly out of the way, darting in another direction so quickly that I hoped there were no humans witnessing our fight. The last thing we needed was a visit from the Volturi…

Stuart launched another attack, this time towards me, and I was forced to turn my attention towards my attacker. I quickly deflected his blow towards my chest and grabbed his arm, swinging him around before pushing him into a nearby brick wall. The brick crumbled under Stuart and he growled as he came at me again, pushing me back this time. I gripped his shirt, twisting it as I propelled both of us around so that I landed on top of him. I was vaguely aware of the grunts and growls coming from a few feet away and felt a sudden surge of panic, hoping that Alice was not being hurt. I needed to end this fight with Stuart as quickly as possible, so I used my leverage to decapitate my opponent, making quick work of him before taking out a matchbook from my pocket and setting the body alight. I turned my attention towards the other fight and was glad to see that Alice didn't appear hurt. Maria didn't look any worse for wear either, though as she glanced in my direction and saw the fire, she realized that it was over and turned on her heel and fled into the night.

I turned to Alice. "Are you alright?" I asked her. Alice simply smiled and nodded.

"Why didn't you run away? You could have been hurt!" I asked as I placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to impress upon her how frightened I had been for her safety.

"Jasper, during our wedding ceremony I agreed to stay with you always. I'm not going to run away when you need me most." I frowned, confused by what she meant. Alice sighed before responding to my silent question. "If I had run away, it would have been easier for them to gang up on you and kill you. I couldn't let that happen, not when we're just beginning our honeymoon together." We both smiled. She was right, of course, and it seemed I owed her my life once again.

Even now, so many years later, it still seems like Alice and I are enjoying our honeymoon. Every time I look at her I am overcome with adoration, and every moment she is near I can sense the overwhelming love that she feels for me, just like when I saw her walking up the aisle on our wedding day. All of this makes me thankful that I not only found my soul mate but my second chance at life.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: A big thank you to all those who have submitted reviews so far – I really appreciate the feedback! As always, I own nothing and am simply borrowing these characters for my (and hopefully your) amusement. I'm indebted to Stephanie Meyer, without whom these stories wouldn't exist. Now, without further ado, here is Alice's next story…

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I had known and loved Jasper ever since I first woke up to this world and had my first vision of him walking through the doors to that diner in Philadelphia, but although I knew we were meant to find one another and live happily ever after, I had still been nervous when I actually _found_ the diner from my vision. _What if he doesn't come? What if he doesn't like me?_ These uncertainties and more went through my mind as I sat there waiting for him to come, and even when he _did_ finally show up at the diner and I moved towards him, the look that crossed his face for a split second – a look of fear and wariness – made me wonder if I had gotten it all wrong.

You see, I know the fallibility of my visions better than anyone. I know that all it takes is one split-second decision to change what I see, and even if there are some things that seem to be certain – like fate has already dealt the cards, if you will – it is sometimes difficult for me to determine if a vision is set in stone or not.

Jasper and I had been married for about three months when I first had the vision that we were going to live with the Cullen's. I was so excited to describe my vision to him – of how I'd seen Jasper wrestling playfully with a well-muscled vampire, of me going on shopping trips with my new sister and mother, and of both of us enjoying the love and companionship that comes from being part of a _real_ family. Not having been able to remember my human past, this was a feeling I was desperate to experience, but when I first told Jasper about it, I could tell he was less than enthusiastic about the idea. In retrospect I guess I shouldn't have blamed him for that – after all, the only experience he had of living with a group of vampires was when he was with Maria – but at the same time it felt like we not only _belonged_ together, but we _belonged_ to this new family. I couldn't help but feel hurt that he didn't seem to have much faith in my visions, or by extension, in me. And I did find myself blaming him for bringing down my high spirits, for making me suddenly feel hurt and empty.

Jasper sighed as he stood and began pacing back and forth across the room. I could tell that he had been able to read my hurt feelings and immediately felt guilty, though I was still angry for him making me feel this way to begin with. "Alice, darling," he began, "I'm sorry if it seems like I'm hurting you by being apprehensive about meeting this family that you seem to think we'll be joining, but you don't seem to understand that having so many of us in one place is _dangerous_. I don't want to risk losing you – not now, not ever." He came over and earnestly took my hands in his, squeezing them gently as if trying to impress upon me how important this was for him. "If I lost you, I don't think I could carry on."

I couldn't help but smile – my dear husband was yet again trying to protect me, and even though we both knew I could take care of myself, it felt good to have someone wanting to care for me. "I know you're scared, Jasper. It's just that…" I paused for a moment and tried to think carefully over my words lest he get the wrong impression again. "It's just that this feels _right_, like it's _meant_ to be. We would be happy there, and while we would sometimes be on our own, it would give us a family to come home to when we need it. They live like us, surviving on the blood of animals, so they don't have the same blood lust that you had to experience before. It allows them to be more civilized among humans and among each other."

I could tell Jasper was torn when he listened to me, the rational part of him – the part that said this was an impossible dream – warring with the more emotional side that wanted to believe what I said unquestioningly. Finally, he sighed again – a signal that he had reached some kind of a decision – and I waited patiently for his answer. "If it's what you want, darling, then we'll go and find this family, but I have a couple of conditions that I want met." I could already see what his conditions will be, but I smiled and nodded encouragingly for him to continue. "First, I want you to actually stand behind me this time, so that if there is any trouble you can get your tiny behind to safety."

"Sounds fair," I said. "What's the second condition?"

"That you actually run away if I tell you to."

I laughed, and soon Jasper was joining in. Once we had both calmed down, I reached my hand up to cup his cheek, marveling for a moment at its smoothness. "Agreed. So can we go?"

"Yes, ma'am."

It took another month to actually find the Cullen's home. Now that Jasper and I had decided to venture to find them, I started getting more visions to give me some clues as to where they were living – the vast expanses of forest, the copious amounts of rainfall, even some of the wildlife that they hunted all helped us to find our destination – but it still took some time to figure out exactly where we were headed.

We arrived in Forks early in the day on a typical rainy day. The rain was keeping away most of the pedestrian traffic that might have milled around in the streets, and as I walked hand in hand with my husband, I felt a nervous lump form in my throat as I came to the realization that we would soon be meeting our new family, and those same questions that I had pondered when I waited for Jasper suddenly came back in a flood, this time though it was not 'What if _he_ doesn't like me?' but 'What if _they_ don't like me?'

Again Jasper seemed to read me like a book, sensing my nervousness, and he moved his hand to wrap it around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. "We can always turn back if you want, my little angel," he whispered into my ear.

Hearing his words brought out my stubborn streak and I shook my head. "No, I still want to meet them." My eyes shifted to the ground as I admitted my fears. "I'm just afraid they won't like me."

Jasper burst into laughter and the sound calmed me a little. "Darling, if they don't absolutely adore you, then they don't know what they're missing. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if that 'playful wrestling' I was doing in that first vision you had was in fact me trying to keep the others from vying for your affection. It's a good thing we're already married and I know you're not the sort to take a lover, or else I'd really be worried right about now." I couldn't help but smile brightly by this point, and Jasper pulled me into a hug. "Now how about we go for a little hunt together before we go and meet the others?" He released me from the hug and took my tiny hand in his large one, leading me into the forest, and suddenly I was ready to face our future, as long as Jasper and I could do it together.

We haven't looked back since.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: Sorry it's taken me a while to get this up, but life has been busy to say the least. I won't bore you with the details, though. Thanks to Hannah for reviewing my last chapter. My disclaimer still stands – S. Meyer owns the Twilight saga characters, so I'm indebted to her for bringing them to life. The following story takes place at the time of Bella's birthday party of New Moon.

* * *

Alice had been looking forward to this party all day, ever since Edward had convinced Bella to graciously give in and let Alice have free reign over Bella's 18th birthday celebration. I'd helped her with the lights – my little pixie was a little too short to reach the branches of the trees that lined our drive – I didn't mind though, since her happiness and enthusiasm were catching. I laughed as Alice excitedly bounced up and down on the balls of her feet in the foyer whispering "They're here, they're here" in a sing-song stage whisper. Our timing had been near-perfect in getting back to the house before the car lights became visible winding up the drive.

"We can hear the car just as well as you can," I said as I came up behind her, ruffling her hair playfully. She looked up at me with a playful glint of her own in her eyes and pulled my hand down onto her shoulder, holding it there.

"I know you know they're here, but it doesn't stop me from being excited… Oh, I hope she likes the flowers…" Alice was peering around the lace curtains by this point, evidently hoping to catch some sign of Bella's approval.

"Of course she will be," I comforted her as I pulled her back towards the living room. "Just give her and Edward a chance to get inside, will you?"

At that moment, Edward opened the front door and Alice raced forward to greet Bella. I could tell that Bella, although she was clearly awe-struck by the effort that Alice had gone into with preparing the decorations, was also very embarrassed that someone would go to so much effort on her behalf. Despite my not having spent much time alone around Bella, I had managed to ascertain that she did not seem to realize how special a person she was to those whose life she touched. The transformation that seemed to have come over Edward since he had met Bella was proof enough of her value, though for some reason unbeknownst to the rest of us she still did not see herself as being _worthy_ of him. A half-smile crossed my face as I thought about my relationship with Alice, and how I still didn't see myself as truly being worthy of Alice's affection, so perhaps I could understand a little better exactly where Bella was coming from… Though, in my case, I _do_ have more to atone for than Bella ever would.

I turned my attention back to what was happening in the room. Bella had just opened the present from Emmett, Rosalie and myself, and I smirked as I saw the confused look on her face. I heard Emmett laughing evilly outside where he was installing Bella's present before she could protest. Edward patiently explained what the gift was (a state-of-the-art car radio) with a roll of his eyes, and Alice handed her another gift wrapped in silver colored wrapping paper as she began bouncing on the balls of her feet again. "Open mine and Edward's next," Alice trilled excitedly.

Alice hadn't told me what she and Edward had gotten for Bella, so I was as curious as everyone else to see what it was. I moved closer as Bella took the gift. A second later I smelled the sweet aroma of Bella's blood and the venom filled my mouth and I could feel myself losing control. Even though I hadn't been thirsty moments before, suddenly I wanted nothing more than to feed… to take my fill of Bella's pungent blood. I pictured myself doing the act, and even though it repulsed the rational part of me to think of causing those I loved so much pain – not to mention the pain I would feel empathically as I killed Bella – I found myself powerless to fight my hideous inner monster.

Edward moved to protect Bella as I ran towards her, our bodies crashed together loudly as I growled and tried to get past him. I felt Emmett's strong grip around my torso, practically dragging me outside as I thrashed and growled louder and my demons fought to let me drink my fill as I had done with Maria. A part of me knew that I was out of control, but at that moment I was too distracted to care.

Emmett practically threw me outside, where he stood with Rosalie and Esme in the doorway. As soon as the wet night air hit my cheeks, I started to feel more like myself. The nearest I can describe it, it felt like when you've been sick with a high fever and it finally breaks – it left me feeling weak, with a horrible churning in my stomach as guilt and rage threatened to overcome me. With a quick glance at the others, I mouthed the words "I'm sorry…" before I turned and ran – where to, I didn't know right then, I only knew that I _had_ to get away before I fouled things up even more.

I ran as fast as I could, trying to put as much distance between me and the house as I could. The trees and bushes sped past me, tiny thorns occasionally catching on my clothing and ripping it as I brushed past without a second thought. I tried not to think of anything, just to live in the moment, but eventually I stopped by the water's edge, falling to the ground and curling up into a ball. I hated how vulnerable I felt. I'd _fought_ in skirmishes while in the army, _seen_ the faces of the dying and dead more times than I cared to remember at that moment, and yet despite the fact that I regretted every death I had been responsible for, I couldn't seem to control myself when faced with the blood of a mere _human_. At that moment I _loathed_ Bella for making me feel so weak.

I don't know how long I sat there, feeling sorry for myself and trying to gather up the courage to just walk away, but eventually I felt another presence nearby. I didn't move, already sensing by the tenseness of the emotions exactly who it was that was walking up beside me to put a hand on my shoulder. "Jasper," Edward spoke softly, breaking the silence. I didn't answer. "Come on, Jasper, we know you didn't mean it…" Edward sat down beside me, evidently determined to keep me company even though I would have rather been allowed to wallow in self-pity for a little while longer.

I lifted my head up to glare at him. "That's just it, Edward… A part of me _did_ mean it. I can't… I can't do this anymore. It's too hard. I don't want to ruin everything for you and the others, but while I'm still here, that's all I seem to do." To bring my point home, I pictured the death I had been responsible for shortly after Alice and I joined the Cullen's which had led to us all having to leave in a hurry, before even the Quileutes had noticed that the Cullen's number had grown. Edward looked away, but I could see the muscles in his cheek tense as he gritted his teeth.

"That was an accident…" he said when he found his voice again. "But you should know that no-one blames you. Carlisle's the only one who seems to be able to handle being around human blood so easily. Even I couldn't stay there for long, and Alice left shortly after I did." He turned his gaze to look at me once again. "She's worried about you, you know. At least come back for her…"

Edward was fighting dirty, and he knew it. The mention of Alice's name left me with a longing to see her again, to draw comfort from her presence and to let her make me feel whole again. "Fine," I answered, trying to make my voice sound nonchalant, though I knew my attempts were lost on Edward as he smirked and stood, reaching his hand out to help me up. I grudgingly took it and the two of us headed back, slower this time so that I could have a little while to collect my thoughts before meeting the others.

We ran into Alice a couple of miles from the house. She stood there with her arms across her chest and a pout on her face, like she did when she was feeling hurt or angry. "You wouldn't leave me, would you?" her voice wavered as she spoke, and I guessed that she had probably had a vision of me running away when I had been too upset to return to the house. I could hear the hurt in her voice and my guilt compounded further. _How could I have even considered leaving my Alice behind? _I didn't trust myself to speak, so I just shook my head in answer to her question.

Edward gently slapped my back. "I'll head back to house and leave you two alone for a bit. If you do decide to go, please at least stop by and let Esme and Carlisle know first. We'd miss you, but know that you'd be welcome back anytime." With that, he ran off towards the house, and I was thankful that he had given Alice and I as much privacy as he could. He'd probably know the outcome almost as soon as we did.

As soon as Edward was out of sight, Alice ran to me and tried to wrap her tiny arms around my larger frame. I hugged her tightly to me, feeling oddly comforted and we stood like that. Alice was the one who finally broke the silence, and I could tell that during the silence she had been considering her words carefully. "We could go up to Alaska, to spend time among the Denali clan, like Edward did before when he needed to escape. Or we could go and spend some time with Peter and Charlotte. Just please let me come with you wherever you go. I don't think I could bear to be left behind."

"Alice, darling, you are my life and, if I have one, the keeper of my soul. I don't think I could ever leave you for long – it's hard enough just surviving without you when we have different classes at school," I answered back, a smile playing on my lips for a moment before I think about what she had suggested. "Perhaps it would be good to leave for a little while. I don't think I can face Bella just yet – it was hard enough facing Edward. Let's head for Alaska – I think the fewer people I have to tempt me right now, the better."

I felt Alice nod against my chest before she pulled away from our hug. "Let's go back to the house first, as Edward asked. I'll let the others know our plans, and you can change into a clean pair of pants – what did you do to get them looking that raggedy in one day anyway? Run into a rabid squirrel?"

I laughed as I looked down and recalled the tiny thorns that had ripped at my trousers as I ran earlier that evening. "No, it was the attack of the killer bushes, though if Emmett notices it and tries to find out what happened, I think you should give him your rabid squirrel explanation."

We walked back hand-in-hand towards the house, each lost in our own thoughts. I might not be totally sure what the future would hold for us, but I knew that for better or for worse, I had my Alice and as long as she had faith in me, then I had hope that my future would be brighter.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: A huge thank you to all those who have reviewed and added this story to their favorites or alerts section! Also, I'm sorry for not updating in a while, but hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter nonetheless. The Twilight series belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I own nothing (or nothing of any consequence anyway) – I'm just borrowing the characters temporarily for my own (and hopefully your) amusement.

* * *

I had found the DVD player lying on the floor just before the ballet studio was destroyed beyond repair and had decided to take it, just in case we could glean something of Victoria's whereabouts from the contents. I had not been expecting this, though…

I sat in shock as the DVD played the conversation between Bella and James. After hearing James' confession about my past on the video, the rest of the family had quickly made their excuses and surreptitiously left the room leaving only Jasper and myself sitting on the couch in front of the television. I felt a hesitant hand on my shoulder and turned, seeking the comfort of Jasper's embrace as he attempted to shield me from the world at large. The after images from the video were seared into my eyelids as James' words played inside my head.

And so now I knew another of the secrets to my human past – I knew why I couldn't remember what my human self had been like and why I did not know the person responsible for my vampiric transformation – and finally I had some kind of a clue as to how to learn more about my past. My past had been tormenting me for so long that I felt a certain degree of relief to finally have some answers, but at the same time now that I finally _knew_ something, I found that I now had a million more questions.

As if reading my thoughts, Jasper whispered in my ear. "We can always go and pay a visit to Mississippi if you'd like. I know a part of you has got to be curious…"

It took me a moment to find my voice, so I just nodded in response. "I _would_ like to know more, but now that I know where to look… Well, I know this might sound silly but I'm just not sure I'm _ready_ to do that just yet."

Jasper chuckled softly. "All right… But just so you know, I'm willing to go there with you when you're ready to face your past, and I'll always do what I can to help support you as you work to find out answers."

"Thank you," I replied with a smile as I gave his hand a comforting squeeze. "I promise I won't leave you behind when I'm ready to face my past. I don't think I would have the inner strength to be able to do it without you."

Jasper tightened his grip on me once more before releasing me from the embrace and leaning back on the couch, as if taking in my expression. "That's right… You gave me the courage to head back to Texas for our honeymoon, and now I may get the chance to repay the favor. What a pair the two of us make." I couldn't resist playfully slapping him on the arm for that gibe.

It took several months before I felt secure enough to take the next step in finding out about my past. I could tell Jasper was trying to avoid the subject, but his actions around me would often speak louder than any words could have. Truthfully, it sometimes got to be downright annoying having Jasper constantly trying to read a little too much into my emotions and making me feel like I was walking on egg shells, but in the end I managed to steel myself against saying something that I knew I would regret later by trying to remember that I had probably put him in similar situations before when I would try and see his future to make sure he was all right. Plus, I had some things – like prom and trying to keep an eye on Bella's future – to keep me occupied so that I didn't go completely insane (no pun intended).

The summer passed fairly uneventfully and soon Edward, Bella and I were back at school. A part of me felt resentful that I couldn't enjoy having Jasper in all my classes the way Edward could with Bella, but at least I could spend all of my time with him when I was at home. I tried to tell myself that it was good for Jasper and I to spend some time apart, since it made me appreciate the time I could spend with him all the more. Plus, it gave me a reprieve from having to watch Jasper as he worried about how I must be feeling after finding out more about my past, so I would often spend my time away from him trying to think rationally about whether I was ready to take the final step.

It was the night of Bella's birthday party, and I had just left the kitchen after making sure that Bella was alright after her little accident. I had a feeling I knew where Jasper had gone but figured I would allow him a little time to cool down before trying to rationalize with him. On the way to meet him at our special spot, though, I fell to my knees when I had a vision of him walking off on his own, leaving me behind. _How could he do this to me? Doesn't he love me anymore?_ Jasper was the first thing that I consciously remember, and I was going to be damned if I would let him get away so easily. I ran faster than the wind, not caring how much noise I made as I crashed through the undergrowth towards where my instinct told me he had gone. When he and Edward finally came into sight, I allowed myself to come to a halt and crossed my arms over my chest to let Jasper know just how vulnerable I was feeling now. "You wouldn't leave me, would you?" I tried to sound strong and felt even angrier as I heard my voice shaking. Jasper merely shook his head in answer to my question, and I swelled with relief. Edward excused himself and left to give the two of us some privacy.

I ran to Jasper and hugged him tightly, needing comfort from him as much as he seemed to need it from me at that moment. After a few moments the silence seemed to become overpowering. "We could go up to Alaska, to spend time among the Denali clan, like Edward did before when he needed to escape," I said. "Or we could go and spend some time with Peter and Charlotte. Just please let me come with you wherever you go. I don't think I could bear to be left behind." Jasper agreed to head to Alaska, so the two of us set off back to the house to say our goodbyes.

We spent about a month in Denali before we both felt that we were once again ready to face civilization. I enjoyed spending time with Tanya, Irina and Kate, but when Jasper suggested heading down to Massachusetts to try and track down more information about my past, I realized that I was at last ready to face my past once and for all. We packed up our stuff that night and took the train, just as we had when we went to Texas to help Jasper face his past.

I had been hoping to have some kind of memory recollection when we arrived at Union Station in Meridian, Mississippi, but unfortunately this place did not seem to hold any memories for me. Jasper suggested heading for the hotel first to get settled and I reluctantly followed him. Now that I was finally here, I wanted to head down to the site of the old East Mississippi Insane Hospital to see what I could find out about my past. Jasper used his calming influence on me to try and give me some patience, though, and truthfully it was probably a better idea to at least look as if we were tired after our journey from Alaska, so I let him drag me to the hotel where I came to find out that Jasper had booked us in the honeymoon suite under the alias 'Mr. and Mrs. Stone.' He insisted on carrying me across the threshold and rested me on the four-poster bed before tipping the bellhop that had shown us to our room. When the bellhop had left, Jasper came and sat with me on the bed and I wrapped my arms around him. "The honeymoon suite… This is a nice surprise" I said.

Jasper grinned. "I think we should always be on our honeymoon," he answered. "In fact, I've been thinking… Maybe we should get married again, and give Rose and Emmett a run for their money."

I laughed. "Well, I'm all for marrying you again, Jasper, but I think Edward and Bella should be the next ones in the family to get married so that they can make it official. In the meantime, we can still be on our honeymoon and enjoy this four-poster bed to occupy us when we're not trying to look into my past…"

Jasper shook his head in amusement. "I might have known you'd see through the ruse. Admittedly the whole 'honeymoon suite' idea was Rose's. I'd called her because I was afraid that you'd be disappointed if this trip didn't turn up as much information as you were hoping for so she suggested that this might help to at least make this a fun holiday for you."

I rolled my eyes – I might have known Rose would suggest something like this. Still, it _was_ a welcome idea, especially given that I was likely to be at least a little disappointed no matter what we were able to find out. After all, I now knew that society had determined that I was clinically insane when I was alive, which left me wondering what impact this had had on my family – had I mattered enough to them to have them come and visit me, or was I quite literally alone once I was institutionalized. There were other questions too… What psychiatric disorder I had been diagnosed with? What treatments I had had to undergo to leave me with such limited recollections of my human life? Did I have any family left who might remember something about me? Knowing these things might not have much of an impact on my present and future, but it would at least give me something that everyone else had – a past.

As if reading my thoughts, Jasper moved his hand to rest on my knee. "Don't worry, love… You'll find answers to your questions yet, and I'll be here for you every step of the way."

I smiled and placed a gentle kiss to his lips. "You'd better. I'm not going anywhere without you."

We waited until dusk fell before leaving the room, and Jasper was sure to ask the staff for recommendations for local restaurants so as to avoid any suspicion. We were able to find the asylum grounds without too much trouble, and as the iron gates creaked slowly open, I was tempted to shiver. The grounds looked fairly dilapidated and the windows and doorways were all boarded up, but these barriers posed little problem for the two of us and we were soon inside. The first thing I noticed was the slow dripping of water from the pipes above our head onto the floor below and the strong stench of mildew. I covered my mouth and nose instinctively, even though I knew we didn't have to breathe. Jasper reached out to take my hand and led me down the corridor until we came to an open area. "Does any of this look familiar?" he asked. I shook my head and tried hard to hide my disappointment. "Do you want to split up to cover more ground at once?" he asked.

"No!" I blurted out quickly. I needed him here with me now, since even though I couldn't recollect anything specific yet, I did still have a feeling that I had been here before. I moved further into the room and then through a door on the other side, which led to another corridor. "Let's go this way." He let me lead him through the maze of corridors and rooms until we finally arrived at a door with the words 'THE DOCTOR IS' on it with a plaque that could be turned to say 'IN' or 'OUT'. Inside the room a small desk and broken chair stood by one wall with several filing cabinets lining the opposite wall and a small window behind. "It looks as if we might be in luck," I whispered excitedly.

Jasper and I spent the next several hours leafing through files trying to find one that would tell us about my past. Eventually we hit pay dirt – we found a file on a 'Mary Alice Brandon' that had been diagnosed with Schizophrenia and had received numerous Electro-Convulsive Therapy treatments (which would explain my memory lapses). We also found out that I was from a middle-class family that had lived just outside Biloxi, about 175 miles away. "I guess this answers one of my questions…" I said more to myself than to Jasper. When he gave me a quizzical glance, I filled him in on the question that had been on my mind. "I'd been wondering whether I had continued to have any contact with my family after coming here. I'm guessing that if I had to travel that far to get here, then I probably didn't see them very often, if at all."

Jasper put an arm around me. "Well, if I'd have known you back then, then I'd have definitely made the trip and then some to spend time with you while you were here. In a place like this, I'm sure you could have done with all the company you could get." It was moments like this that made me love him all the more. "Now," he said, "how about we head over to Biloxi and see what else we can find out."

I laughed and nodded. "That sounds like a great idea, but I think I'd like to spend some more time in our honeymoon suite here first."


End file.
